Nur Balqis, satu nama yang sedap disebut, sedap pula didengar. Aku selalu kaitkan dia dengan Nabi Sulaiman dan aku selalu nyanyi lagu balqis untuk dia. Pada umur 18 tahun (2006), dia tak tinggi, tak rendah dia biasa-biasa je. Dia comel, penyayang serta baik hati, pendiam kadang-kadang, kelakar. Antara orang paling baik yang pernah aku jumpa. Used to be my bestfriend, my love, my soulmate. Nobody here knows who is Balqis to me. Until now.
Tapi hidup tak selalu indah. Kadang-kadang Tuhan bagi kita peluang, bagi ujian, sebab dia sayang kita. 06/02/2006. Balqis pergi, tinggalkan aku sorang-sorang. Accident, yang completely bukan salah dia. Tanpa sebarang pesan of course. Tanpa sempat aku cakap betapa aku sayang dia, tanpa sempat aku minta maaf salah-salah aku, tanpa sempat dia tengok aku at this stage, she never got a chance to see how good I have done, tanpa sempat bina impian-impian kami.
I never knew I could hurt like this, dulu. It is hard to accept the fact she is gone forever. Feels like she is gone too soon. 4 years now, I still can feel the pain inside out, the loneliness, the tears. I always wish she was here. Right next to me so that I am not here alone, anymore. I wish I can talk to her, see her pretty face, kejap pun dah cukup. Celebrate things, holidays, keluar makan, shopping, raya, birthday. Nothing left anymore.
Jadi kawan tolong, kalau kita ada orang-orang yang kita sayang, parents, sahabat, even musuh, just tell them how much you love them when you still have the time to say it. Peduli apa kalau diorang kata kita tak betul atau mengada-ngada, gedik or whatsoever. Just go and tell them. We will never know how long they will here next to us. At some degree, you won't regret it. Trust me on this. I know exactly how it feels. I knew. Cukup setakat itu. Sekarang dah kenal kan siapa Balqis. Jadi sedekahkanlah al-Fatihah untuk arwah.
Dah kabur, aku dah tak nampak tulisan-tulisan kat screen, 4 years and I still cant find my way to stop the tears. I miss her a lot, I try not to cry but most of time, everytime, I fail. This is the reason why aku tak cerita, tak sebut apa-apa pasal ni. Then why the hell I am telling you this now?! Untuk mengingatkan diri sendiri dan sahabat-sahabat yang aku sayang, kita tak akan lama kat dunia ni. Bila-bila masa kita akan pergi. Bila kita pergi kita tak akan tinggalkan apa-apa for the people we left behind kecuali satu, kenangan.
Jadi sahabat, kalau kawan-kawan kamu tinggalkan kamu dah tak nak kawan lagi, bersyukurlah. At least you know he/she still around. Mungkin kamu hanya mampu memandang dari jauh, itu pun dah cukup bagus. Tapi aku?? Aku hanya mampu mengirim doa. I know she loves me as much as I do. Itu dah mampu beri aku sebab untuk senyum. Everyday life goes on, macam biasa, hari-hari aku tanpa Balqis.
p/s: this is for someone who just lost somebody.
p/s/s: aku akan cerita lagi lain kali, kat sini, bila aku ada kekuatan.
p/s/s/s: bila aku baca novel 'ps: I love you', yang husband dia meninggal, I cried a lot. I know exactly how it hurts.
It hurts more than anything else.
